


Friends of Mara

by Atarun



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Awkward Flirting, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, F/F, Heart-to-Heart, Jealousy, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Sacrifice, Survivor Guilt, Teasing, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25461952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atarun/pseuds/Atarun
Summary: Adora has a sad dream about Mara's sacrifice. Feeling suffocated by survivor's guilt, she goes to Darla (Mara's ship) to rewatch Mara's last record. Catra wakes up alone in their bed and suffers a panic attack.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 183





	Friends of Mara

“She was brave,” says Razz, the voice filled with tears, “my Mara.” The gentle old woman places a freshly baked pie on the seat where Mara’s hologram sat just a minute ago. “For you, Mara, dearie.”

Adora wakes up. It is not her first time having that dream. She can feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She wipes them away with her free hand, careful not to wake up her partner, nuzzled up against her.

She does not want Catra to see her cry. She has had way too many occasions already. Adora tries to convince herself it has nothing to do with refusing to show weakness. After all, nobody knows her flaws better than the catgirl she grew up with, fought against, and saved the world with.

Her sight soon adapts to the darkness in their room, and she looks at her lover, deeply asleep in her arms. She’s hit with the full power of her feelings for Catra. Feelings she struggled with and denied for so many years. After so many betrayals, fights, mistakes, harsh words, and so much pain, to embrace her feels unreal. It seems so incredible that they found each other again after splitting so far apart.

Adora cannot resist, she kisses the top of her girlfriend’s head and strokes the fur of her arm ever so gently, trying hard not to wake her. Even in her deep sleep, Catra reacts to her touch, and Adora can feel her purring softly. Catra’s purr is one of the sounds she loves most in the world.

For a moment, Adora is happy beyond simple words. She recalls her vision of the future, the one she had when she was right under the core of the Heart of Etheria, losing consciousness in Catra’s arms. Horde Prime had called it “a beautiful wish,” not knowing how meaningful the word “wish” was for Adora. For so long, she had been unable to answer that straightforward question: “What do you want, Adora?”

It was a question Catra herself had asked her repeatedly, and every time Adora couldn’t even begin to look for an answer. Because she had been trained by Shadow Weaver and the Horde not to put any stock in feelings and relationships. Because Light Hope had taught her to be She-Ra. Because all of Etheria expected her to sacrifice herself for the greater good. Everyone but Catra.

In her “beautiful wish,” she and Catra were together. So were Bow and Glimmer. The Best Friends Squad had become the Two Couples Squad. It felt right. At once, Adora had felt all of her doubts melt away. She had realized a life with Catra was what she wanted, what she had truly wanted all along, but had not been able to fully accept much less express.

And now her wish had come true. Life after destroying Horde Prime wasn’t without its challenges, of course. But it made Adora so incredibly happy to tackle them with her partner. All at once, her best friend, confidant, teammate, bodyguard, and lover.

“I have everything I’ve ever wanted,” Adora whispers to herself.

That is when the thought of Mara’s last moments hits her. Her last words had been, “Adora, I believe in you. You can save the world we love.” And then she had died alone. Sacrificed herself for the greater good. The way Adora had felt ready to. Except she hadn’t died, hadn’t been alone.

Mara had had friends too, of course. The ubiquitous password, “Friends of Mara,” was proof enough. But they hadn’t been there with her at the end. Not when she died.

What if Catra hadn’t been there with Adora at the end? If she hadn’t come back? If Shadow Weaver hadn’t sacrificed herself to protect them both? What if, for once, Catra had listened to Adora and left her there to face her destiny alone?

She would have died. Alone. Sacrificing herself for everyone else. Just like Mara had done a thousand years before. Just like Madame Razz had thought. “Adora... Mara... it all ends the same.”

Adora cannot breathe or hold back the tears anymore. She slowly extricates herself from Catra’s embrace, managing somehow not to wake her beloved catgirl. She tiptoes to her clothes neatly folded on a small table near the door and dresses up slowly, making as little noise as possible.

She turns back to check whether her girlfriend is still asleep and sees Catra’s magical pet staring right at her. Adora winks at Melog and makes a shushing gesture before exiting the room carefully.

She tiptoes through the castle, trying hard not to alert anyone but a few guards to her nightly escapade.

Once outside, she breathes in the fresh air and feels slightly better. But there is still a knot in her stomach, and she isn’t sure what to do.

Suddenly it hits her: Mara’s recording is still in her ship, the one Entrapta christened Darla. Time to pay a visit to a good old friend.

***

“Not this nightmare again,” thinks Catra, powerless to avoid reliving one of the most painful moments in her life.

“Whoa, I knew this would get a rise out of you,” says the mercenary shape-shifter Double Trouble in the shape of Adora, “but, still, you really are obsessed, aren’t you, kitten?”

They then proceed to list everything Catra has done to deserve being treated like the villain she is.

Except she has changed. She has learned to do things for others without hoping for anything in exchange. She has made friends. She has apologized to the people she hurt most and has been working tirelessly to make amends. She helped Adora save the whole galaxy. She is one of the good guys now.

Still, Double Trouble’s words hurt. So much that for a moment, Catra loses all sense of time and place.

“Adora?” she calls weakly, almost crying.

No answer comes.

Panic rushes through Catra’s veins like poison. Was it all a dream? Did she really sacrifice herself to save Glimmer? Did she really fight Horde Prime and his army of clones with the crew of princesses she had fought so fiercely for such a long time?

Had she really had it in her to make amends and seek redemption? Wouldn’t it make more sense for Adora and her new best friends to let her become a pawn in Horde Prime’s army? Be fairer for her to be caught and abused the way she had treated so many others?

Was any of it real? Does Adora really love her back, despite everything she has done?

Catra reaches for her lover but finds nothing but the soft cushions and sheets typical of the Bright Moon Castle, including what passes for prisons there.

She opens her eyes and sees through her tears that she is alone in their bed. She almost breaks down and starts screaming, but Melog jumps on her and pins her down to calm her nerves. They lick her face the same way they had, the last time she had tried to leave Adora. It works just as well as it did back then. Melog calms her down.

“Do you know where Adora is?” she asks her magical pet.

“No, but I saw her leave,” Melog answers in their magical cat language that only Catra understands, “she seemed a bit upset, but not much.”

“Upset?” says Catra, worry choking her.

“Not at you,” says Melog, “I don’t think.”

It is always weird for Catra to hear Melog take guesses at what other people think or feel. No assumptions are necessary between them, of course, since they share a magical emotional bond.

Right now, through their bond, Melog knows that Catra is eaten up by anxiety. It is a recurring feeling in her whenever her mate is away.

“Do you want me to look for her?” Melog asks.

Catra takes a deep breath and looks at her unbelievably helpful pet. She wonders how on Etheria she got lucky enough to meet them and have them imprint on her. She doesn’t feel like she deserves Melog at all, but it doesn’t matter since Melog won’t ever entertain the thought of leaving her side. Or Adora’s, for that matter. Their bond makes Melog almost as extremely attached to the blonde fighter as Catra is herself.

“Yes,” she answers after a while, “please.”

Melog licks Catra’s face one more time, then leaves the room to look for Adora.

For a moment, Catra considers the option of staying in their bedroom until Melog comes back. But she still doesn’t feel comfortable in Bright Moon. For so many years, she had never known anything but the Fright Zone. It was a terrible place in pretty much every respect, but she was used to it. Bright Moon’s mountains of cushions, soft carpets, shiny surfaces, and cute colors make her feel so out of place.

Surely, in time, she will get used to it all, but right now, without Adora by her side, it feels way too alien.

Catra gets out of the bed, finds her clothes haphazardly thrown over a nearby chair, dresses up quickly, then leaves the room.

***

The corridors of Bright Moon Castle are eerily quiet at this time of night.

Catra wanders aimlessly, passing some guards. None of them move a single muscle as she passes by, and she idly wonders if they are asleep.

She has never had a high opinion of Bright Moon’s guards. At least, right now, so soon after the rebirth of Etheria and Horde Prime’s demise, their low level of vigilance does not seem too urgent an issue.

Catra thinks of maybe going to the kitchen to fetch some manner of snack, but her anxiety feels like a snake curled up inside her stomach. She doubts she’d be able to keep anything down.

She turns a corner, and her sharp eyes immediately pick up on a ray of light coming from the Council Room’s door, very slightly ajar.

Curious about what could be taking place in that room at such an ungodly hour, Catra silently gets to the door and glances in.

Queen Glimmer is the only person in the room. She sits alone at the huge round table, facing the door. Heaps of paperwork are strewn all over, and she is reading something that, judging by the face she makes, must be intensely boring.

“She seems busy,” thinks Catra, “maybe I should leave her alone… Nah, can’t pass up an opportunity to mess with Sparkles!”

Catra stealthily enters the room, hugs the walls, and manages to get to Glimmer’s back without shaking her out of her reading.

“Boo,” Catra says right behind Glimmer, who reflexively teleports to the other side of the room.

“CATRA!!!” she yells as soon as she realizes who has startled her.

Catra laughs so hard, she bends over and holds her stomach. “Looking pretty vulnerable here,” she says, wiping a tear away, “Your Majesty.” She does an exaggerated curtsey just to get more of a rise out of Glimmer.

It works. Glimmer is livid. “Nyyyuuuugh,” she tries to form words, but she is so angry, only vague sounds come out at first. “Why you… UGH,” She teleports back in her chair and pretends to care about the paperwork laid out before her.

Catra remains just next to her, grinning like she always does when she messes with Adora or Glimmer.

“Can’t you see I’m working here?” Glimmer says, failing to hide how angry she still feels.

“Oh, I can see that,” answers Catra in her typical teasing tone, “but you know it is the middle of the night, right, Sparkles?”

“Yes,” Glimmer says, shooting Catra a glare that clearly says STOP TEASING ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT, “I am well aware.”

Catra senses that Glimmer is upset at something other than her little prank and general attitude. Caring for someone other than Adora is a new thing for her, but she feels she has to try her best. Especially for Glimmer, who is the main reason why Adora is back in her life.

“Something bothering you,” Catra asks gently, afraid of overstepping some line nobody told her about, “Sparkles?”

“You mean besides you?” answers Glimmer, but there is no malice in her voice, only weariness.

“Oh, is that right,” says Catra, reverting back to her playful, teasing tone, “so that’s how it is, huh? I bother you.” She takes exceptional care of insisting on the word bother, letting it take a life of its own.

Glimmer takes her head in both her hands. “UGH, do NOT joke about that with me,” she says, “Horde Scum!”

It had been a while since last Catra heard that nickname.

“Awww,” Catra coos, “or what will you do? Send glitter at me?”

Glimmer turns back to look Catra straight in the eye. She doesn’t see the powerful enemy she used to fight against, back in the day. She doesn’t even see the fearless teammate who helped Adora save the universe a few weeks prior. Catra looks lonely and almost as weary as Glimmer feels.

“I was considering teleporting you right above the lake,” Glimmer says, trying her best to match Catra’s playful tone, “and letting you take a good bath.”

Catra can’t help shivering at the idea. “Hey,” she says, “that’s a bit much for just some innocent teasing, don’t you think?”

“Innocent, really?” Glimmer asks, smirking.

“Oh, come on,” Catra answers, blushing ever so slightly, “you know how much I hate you, Sparkles!”

“And the feeling is mutual!” answers Glimmer.

They stare at each other for a minute then burst out laughing.

***

They’re still laughing when Perfuma comes in with a teapot and cups on a tray.

“What the hell are you doing here, flower-girl?” says Catra, clearly surprised. Even more surprising for her than Perfuma’s arrival is that she can feel herself smiling at the hippie. They haven’t talked since Perfuma gave her the whole speech about opening her heart and Adora being worth becoming vulnerable… And boy, had the flower princess been right.

“Glimmer needs all the help I can give to relax,” answers Perfuma, winking playfully at Catra. “You might benefit from my special recipe, too, you know,” she says as she sets up a little tea party on the floor in the corner of the room where some cushions have already been placed.

Catra sits down on one of the cushions but makes a grimace when the smell of Perfuma’s tea hits her. “Ugh, no thanks,” she says, trying hard to hide how nauseating she finds the scent.

Perfuma sees that she is trying not to hurt her feelings and beams at her. “Suit yourself,” she says as she fills two cups with her special herbal tea, made with a variety of relaxing ingredients.

The Queen of Bright Moon signs a few more scrolls, sighs, stretches and goes to sit down with the others. Perfuma hands her a full cup, and she starts sipping. The smell clearly isn’t bothering her like it does Catra.

“So… you took the trip from Plumeria to Bright Moon just to make Sparkles some tea?” asks Catra, looking at Perfuma while side smirking at Glimmer.

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” answers Perfuma, smiling like she does whenever she has correctly performed her morning ritual. “Especially given that Glimmer teleports me back and forth.”

“Right!” exclaims Catra, playfully hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I forgot that Sparkles here has been all charged up and can just teleport as much as she wants now…”

Glimmer’s face drops, she glares at Catra while slowly putting her cup down. Catra can tell she made a mistake. She just reminded Glimmer that her mother is gone, and Catra is to blame. She has spent so much time regretting ever pulling down that portal’s lever… but she has never really thought about the whole thing from Glimmer’s perspective.

“GUYS!” interjects Perfuma right before Glimmer starts to speak. “You’re best friends now! Right?”

Glimmer and Catra both look at Perfuma, then at each other. And then they laugh. It’s a good laugh. It brings both of them back to that time on Prime’s ship when there was nobody save the both of them. When they talked for real, for the first time. When they became friends.

“You’re right,” admits Glimmer, smiling sincerely. “Catra is part of the Best Friends Squad now.”

Catra chokes up. It feels so good to hear Glimmer say it out loud. It doesn’t erase all the mistakes and terrible choices, of course, but it makes redemption seem attainable. “Thank you, Glimmer,” Catra whispers, wiping a tear.

***

Perfuma hugs them both and is amazed that Catra doesn’t protest, for once. “How about you try to communicate for real? You know. Just tell each other how you feel. Like best friends do.”

Catra shifts on her cushion and looks away. Stuff like this seems to be so natural for Perfuma, but she still has no idea how to just open up.

Glimmer closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets out a very long sigh. “Alright, I’ll start,” she says, smiling gently at Catra.

Perfuma looks at them both, grinning from ear to ear.

“I don’t really need to deal with all this paperwork right now,” she starts. “I mean, it could totally wait until tomorrow. But…” Perfuma nods vigorously, encouraging her to go on. “Bow is working on some tech project with Entrapta. I don’t really get what it’s all about, but they’re both clearly super excited.”

Catra tilts her head.

“Excited enough to spend entire nights working,” Glimmer adds. “And I… just… I can’t sleep alone right now. I mean, I’m not sure why, but that huge bed, empty. I can’t deal with it right now.”

Perfuma nods knowingly and hugs Glimmer. “It is perfectly fine to feel like you do, Glimmer,” she says reassuringly. She then turns her expectant gaze and happy grin to Catra, clearly expecting her to follow Glimmer’s example.

Catra groans, winces, starts speaking a few times, but can’t. Glimmer and Perfuma exchange a knowing look and smile. It makes sense that Catra would struggle so much. She has spent her entire life hiding her feelings, after all. Talking about them is going to require some practice.

“Adora,” Catra says, and as soon as the name leaves her mouth, tears start welling up in her eyes. It is such a powerful word for Catra. The most powerful word in her whole world, really. “Adora wasn’t there when I woke up.”

There, she said it. Another person would probably have needed a lot more explanation. Not Glimmer and Perfuma, who know Catra’s history with Adora well enough. They know Adora disappearing somehow is the one thing the tough catgirl cannot live with. The one thing that breaks her down completely. The one anxiety that can never entirely leave her.

Catra sees them exchange a look of worry, sees that they realize how serious this is for her, and she starts crying.

She’s just weeping softly at first, but then her tears keep flowing harder until she’s bawling like she hasn’t in a long while. Not since that moment, when Hordak congratulated her, and she realized that none of the things she thought she wanted actually mattered in the slightest. When she believed she would never achieve happiness.

Perfuma starts to move towards Catra, but Glimmer stops her. Catra needs to let it all out, to let herself go a little bit so the anxiety will stop eating her from the inside out.

They both watch in painful silence, and both can feel tears welling up in their own eyes. They have never seen Catra like this. The catgirl they’ve known so far is fierce, playful, melodramatic. She can also be mean, angry, pessimistic. But fragile, emotional, vulnerable Catra? She is a new sight for them.

Eventually, she calms down. She stays hunched up with her eyes closed for a while. Perfuma and Glimmer let her take her time. She opens her eyes slowly, looks at them… and then snorts, startling them both.

“You guys should see the looks on your faces right now!” she says, smirking like she often does, but without a trace of malice.

Perfuma and Glimmer exchange a side glance, and soon all three girls are laughing together.

Catra tries to recall another time she felt this warm and comfortable without Adora by her side, but nothing comes to mind.

“Want me to help you look for her?” asks Glimmer. After all, her powers would make short work of checking the most likely places.

Melog enters the room before Catra can answer. “I found your mate!” Melog says, but it sounds like meowing to everyone but Catra.

“Melog found Adora!” shouts Catra, jumping and running after her magical pet.

A few steps out of the room, she suddenly realizes how rude she is and quickly pops back into the Council Room to tell her friends, “Thanks, guys! See you soon!”

Glimmer and Perfuma grin and wave at her. When Catra is gone, and well out of earshot, they look at each other and start giggling uncontrollably. Catra can be a lot of things, but nowhere on the list will one find “unpredictable when Adora is concerned.”

***

Melog takes Catra all the way to Mara’s ship, stationed just outside the Whispering Woods.

She hesitates before getting on board. Last time she was on board, a chip was connected to her spinal cord and sending their position to Horde Prime. They almost crashed into asteroids just to run away.

It was also on that ship that she had been stupid enough to ask Adora to leave her alone. To abandon her on some forsaken planet, far from Etheria, from everyone and everything she knew, from the love of her life. Adora had almost given up on her. Almost.

Catra takes a few deep breaths and then follows after Melog.

They soon find Adora in the control room. She’s kneeling right before the pilot seat with tears in her eyes.

Catra’s first instinct is to run to her and prepare to claw through whatever makes her girlfriend cry. But something in Adora’s very gentle expression gives her pause.

She comes closer, neither trying to be sneaky nor to make her presence known. Soon, she sees and hears what Adora is so fixated on.

A hologram. A bit hazy and broken in parts. Clearly a very ancient record.

“It must be Mara,” Catra thinks. She has never seen the previous She-Ra before, but Adora has told her enough to make the connection. “Huh,” she marvels, “you could have mentioned how hot she is.”

Catra watches the holographic girl tell Adora how to stop the Heart of Etheria and soon realizes that what she’s looking at are the very last minutes before Mara’s death.

Something stirs inside Catra that she can’t quite wrap her mind around. She isn’t exactly sad. After all, she doesn’t have a connection to Mara like Adora does. But something is troubling her deep down, and she does not know what.

While she ponders what this feeling could be, Adora finally notices her. She turns towards the central console, pauses the record, sniffles and wipes her tears before turning back towards her girlfriend.

“Hey, Adora.”

“Catra,” Adora says, “what are you…” Horror suddenly warps her face as she realizes that she left Catra all alone and how awful that must have felt for her. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Catra knows Adora is sincere. She always is, always has been. But a measly “sorry” does not feel like enough. Catra does her best to look angry, even though she feels nothing of the sort.

“So,” she starts, pointing at Mara, “I see you would rather stare at sexy holograms than sleep with me.”

Pure shock registers on Adora’s face when Catra says the word “sexy.”

“Oh, this is too good,” thinks Catra, unsure what exactly is going on in her lover’s head and dying to find out.

***

“Wh-what,” Adora stutters, blushing furiously, “no, this isn’t, it’s just, I don’t, I’m not, I swear I’m not!”

Catra snorts. “You’re not what? Looking at your sexy predecessor?”

Adora’s blood turns to ice when she hears her lover mention Mara’s sexiness a second time. In the more than twenty years they spent together, or at each other’s throats, not ONCE had Catra ever shown any interest in anyone but her blonde best friend.

Adora feels a cold, dark feeling taking hold inside, but doesn’t immediately recognize it as jealousy, so little experience has she had with it. A terrible thought comes with the awful feeling. What if Catra had met Mara? Or some other sexy First One magical warrior? What if Light Hope hadn’t reached for her through Hordak’s portal but another girl instead… Would Catra have fallen in love with that other girl?

“What do you mean,” Adora asks in a hoarse voice she doesn’t recognize, “sexy predecessor?”

“Wait,” says Catra, raising an eyebrow, “it IS Mara, right?”

“Yes,” Adora answers, her voice unsteady, “her name is Mara.”

“So,” asks Catra in the same playful tone she used with Glimmer earlier, “it’s not wrong to call her your predecessor, right?” Obviously, that is not the word Adora has problems with. But Catra cannot get enough of her girlfriend squirming.

“UGH,” drops Adora, throwing her hands up in the air, “you are IMPOSSIBLE!”

Catra laughs and comes closer to wrap her arm around her lover’s waist. They both face the hologram.

“Come on, love,” Catra murmurs, “you have to admit she’s pretty hot.”

Adora had never really thought of the previous She-Ra that way. Mara had been such an overwhelming presence in her life ever since she first met Light Hope. At first, Mara was this terrible failure she was supposed not to emulate. Then, she was this beacon of hope, guiding her towards ways to prevent the end of the world. Later, the warrior became this tragic figure, giving Adora a shining example of utterly selfless sacrifice. In the end, Mara had told her she did not want Adora to follow in her footsteps. That she was worth more than what she could give to others.

Coaxed by her partner, Adora takes a deep breath and looks at Mara’s hologram with fresh eyes.

“Yeah,” Adora admits, blushing and smiling like she does when she is embarrassed, “she’s hot.”

Catra laughs out loud and starts tickling Adora. It soon turns into a tickle war, much like those they had all the time as children. Both women wrestle before a patient Melog who decides to curl up and rest, letting their women be silly.

When they’re both exhausted, they sit down and watch Mara’s whole record together. Melog comes closer to rest their head on Adora’s thigh.

“But you, Adora,” recorded Mara says, “you will be more powerful than they ever planned.”

“Darla?” asks Adora, “pause the recording, please.”

“Yes,” answers Darla’s synthetic voice, “administrator She-Ra.”

“You were half-right, Mara,” says Adora softly, looking at Catra’s hand in hers. “I was never more powerful than you,” she adds, staring into her lover’s eyes. “But you and I, Catra, together, we are more powerful than anybody could have ever planned.”

Catra laughs. It is a happy laugh. The merriest laugh Adora has ever heard coming from her. After drowning into each other’s gaze for what feels like an eternity, they close their eyes and kiss before the unblinking gaze of Mara’s paused hologram.

Mara couldn’t have known what her recording would witness a thousand years after her noble sacrifice. Still, Adora feels utterly sure that she would have approved, rejoiced even. This happiness they have now is what Mara had fought to protect all those centuries ago.

“Thank you, Mara.”


End file.
